


The Tears and The Highs We Breathe

by ultimatelawrence



Series: Melodrama [3]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Marriage Proposal, a tiny bit of angst i guess but not really, this is the softest thing i have ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13485927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultimatelawrence/pseuds/ultimatelawrence
Summary: Sometimes Even feels like a burden. Isak is desperate to show him that he's anything but one.





	The Tears and The Highs We Breathe

Sometimes Even feels like a burden - on his parents, his friends, his boss, and especially on Isak. The feeling is especially strong when he's just coming out of a depressive episode like he is currently.

It hasn't been his worst one ever but it hadn’t been easy either; he had spent almost two weeks in bed, unable to get up for anything expect to use the bathroom. Isak had had to do everything. He'd cook dinner and fetch glasses of water, and then encourage Even to eat and drink as much as he could. He'd turn down any invitations to social events to simply lie quietly and play the big spoon to Even. He had even washed Evens hair for him when the grease was getting too much and Even couldn't find the energy to shower himself.

In summary, he has been relying so heavily on Isak that it was hard not to feel like a burden. The simple fact was that if Isak was with someone else he wouldn't have to put his life on hold like this, wouldn't have to carry someone else on his shoulders.

And it was moments like this where Even felt like he was having more of a negative influence on Isak’s life than a positive one.

It had consumed his thoughts for the past week. He was feeling well enough to be back at work now. Most of his evenings were spent trying to catch up on the work he had missed in his time off. His boss was understanding of his bipolar, said he didn’t have to spend his free time catching up, but Even did it anyway.

It was a Wednesday evening and he was doing just that, the workload seeming easier because Isak was sitting beside him at the kitchen table completing whatever report he was currently writing up on his research in the laboratory he worked in. His ankles were hooked around Evens and the simple contact helped him feel grounded. Isak bought a stability to his life that he never knew he needed until he had it.

He still felt the weight of it all though, the weight of not feeling good enough. The glumness he felt at that must have showed on his face because he soon felt a gentle nudge. "Baby, is everything okay?"

Even turned his head to look at Isak and his kind smile. He shrugged in response. "Yeah, I’m okay.” Isak gave him a look as if to say he knew that that was bullshit. Even sighed, he knew him too well. “Just don't worry around it, it's stupid."

Isak frowned, "Nothing you feel is stupid." He reached over to rub Evens knee, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I'm always here to listen."

And there he goes again, being so kind and considerate and giving.

_And what are you? Burden. Burden. Burden._

He knew Isak would always listen but it was hard to express exactly why he was sad. He'd mentioned feeling this way before but not recently, and certainly not in detail.

"I guess I just feel bad, for relying on you so much." He looks down at his lap, his voice getting smaller when he reaches the true core of his worries. "I feel like I don't deserve it all. Like I'm just bringing you down."

Isak was silent for a moment and Even almost thought he was about to say that he agreed and walk out to leave Even and his burdens alone.

 

He didn't of course. Even should know that he wouldn’t by now.

Instead Isak scoots his chair as close to Evens as possible, and brings his hands up to Evens face, one cupping his cheek and the other buried in his hair.

"Even." The sheer amount of love in Isak’s voice causes tears to immediately spring to Evens eyes. "You have to believe me when I say that you're the best thing in my life. I know sometimes your brain tricks you into thinking you weigh me down, but you do the exact opposite, okay? You make me so so so happy."

And even his brain can't find a way to deny the sincerity in that. Even tips their foreheads together, revelling in the skin to skin contact. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"And I'm lucky to have you." Isak leans forward to capture him in a short, sweet kiss. It fills him with the same warmth that their very first kiss did, the same warmth that every kiss does.

Even feels better but he still has to get an apology out, he feels like he owes it to Isak. "Still, I'm sorry for making you give up so much time for me these past couple of weeks."

Isak winds his hand even tighter in Evens hair, pulling him closer. "You didn't make me do anything, alright? When are you going to realise that I'd give you the world if I could, Even."

The tears welling up in Evens eyes spill out onto his cheeks. _This boy._

His throat is thick with emotion and he knows that if he speaks his voice will wobble but he has to get these words out. "I love you so much."

Isak rubs his nose against Even’s, "And I love you. Don't forget it."

Even gives a watery laugh at the fake-strict tone in Isak’s voice. "Okay. I'll do my very best."

"That's all I ask." And then Isak kisses him again and Even makes him dinner and they shower together and when they fall into bed Even’s heart feels less heavy.

 

***

 

The next few weeks are good. The weather is getting warm and it makes Even feel warm too.

He feels good, except Isak is being slightly distant. He's mostly the same, he still shares kisses, smiles and "I love you"s with Even. It's just he also seems to be constantly wrapped in his own thoughts, and on several occasions he's quickly put his phone down as soon as Even comes into the room, hiding the screen from him.

He asks Isak if everything is okay but Isak simply says that everything is perfect and kisses him until Even forgets what he even asked in the first place.

Even knows there's probably nothing to worry about but the behaviour still puts him at slight unease.

After a month of this slightly odd behaviour it starts getting worse. It's a Friday morning and Isak can barely look him in eye. He's skittish and rushes out the house with just a rushed kiss on Evens cheek. It’s not the Isak he knows, the one who likes to spend languid mornings kissing him slowly and gazing at him from across the kitchen table aa they eat. Even tries not to think too much about it, but he can't help it. It distracts him all day at work.

He's impatient to get home to see Isak. He knows he shouldn't worry but he can't help it, Isak is his favourite thing and needs to double check that everything is fine.

When he gets home Isak is already there, pacing the floor in their bedroom. He’s clearly changed since coming back from work as he’s now in his green button-down, the one he knows Eve likes because it matches his eyes. Even calls out his name be he doesn’t seem to hear, too wrapped in his own thoughts.

He tries again, "Issy? Is everything okay?" Even can hear the concern in his own voice and it's clear Isak can detect it too. His head snaps up immediately, meeting Evens eyes for the first time that day.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Isak took a deep breath to seemingly steady himself before sitting down beside Even on the bed, twisting his torso to face him. He takes a hand out from behind his back. "I have a present for you."

It's a square box, wrapped neatly in paper covered in miniature Vincent Van Gogh paintings. Even gives out a soft gasp as he recognises the paper. "You remembered."

Months ago, he had dragged Isak around some art supply stores to get some new sketching pencils and he saw this paper in one of the stores and mentioned how beautiful he thought it was to Isak. The fact that Isak apparently remembered something so small and trivial filled Even with a glowing kind of warmth.

"Of course I did. I remember everything about you."

The warmth inside Even grows but so does his confusion. He has no idea what this gift is for; it wasn't his birthday, or Valentines Day, or any sort of anniversary.

"What's this for?" Even raised his eyeline to look at Isak again, who was blushing and wringing his hands, nervous tension rolling off of him in waves.

Isak swallowed, his voice coming out strangled, "Just open it." Even throws him another confused look but does as Isak says.

Inside the wrappings is a plain cardboard box, except it's not quite plain. Isak had decorated it all over with simple pen drawings of hearts and little 21:21's. The care and thought that has clearly gone into this present blew Even away, and he hadn't even opened it yet.

He opens the box carefully, making sure not to tear any of the drawings, to reveal a globe of the world. It's painted black with the outline of all the countries in gold. He can feel Isaks eyes trained on him, watching his reaction as he presses a button on top of the globe and it lights up, the gold light dancing in both of their eyes.

It's breathtakingly beautiful, and he tells Isak as much.

It takes him a few moments though before the true significance of the present dawns on him.

"You gave me the world."

It was what Isak had said in their conversation all those weeks ago.

Even feels the pure emotion well up inside of him. Before he can truly register it, there are tears falling down his cheeks. "I can't believe you gave me the world."

He looks up to see tear tracks on Isak’s cheeks as well. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and shaky. "You deserve the whole universe Even but I couldn't think of a way to give that to you so, I went with the globe." Isak stopped to take a big breath before locking eyes with Even. "I thought that maybe when you feel like you're taking too much from me, and that you don't deserve it, you could look at the globe and remember that I think you deserve anything and everything I could possible give you. And you could also remember that out of everything on that globe, you're my favourite thing."

More tears fall down Evens cheeks as he's hit with the overwhelming and undeniable feeling of love, of being _loved_. "You're my favourite thing too."

He's just leaning in to hug Isak, to wrap himself around the most wonderful boy in the universe and never let him go, but Isak is speaking again. "There's more."

"What?" He looked up to shoot his boyfriend, who is still fidgeting nervously, a disbelieving look. "Isak, you literally gave me the world. I don't think there could possibly be anything more that you could give me."

"Well there's just one more thing. Open the globe." Isaks voice sounds a weird combination of nervous and urgent. Like he really wants Even to see the final gift but he's also scared of what will happen when he does.

Even looks back down to examine his globe and now he can see how it can be unscrewed around the line of the equator. Curious, he opens it and as soon as he sees what's inside the top half of the globe that he was holding slips out of his hand.

It's a ring.

It's the most beautiful ring he's ever seen. A simple silver band with tiny pieces of diamond scattered throughout.

"Oh my god, Isak." Evens crying even more now. He can't believe this is happening. No wonder Isak had been so nervous.

"Even." Isaks voice is still shaky but he seemed to have an air of determination about him now as he reaches forward to take Evens hand. "I love you so much, and I know I say that quite a lot but there's no words I could possibly string together to express how much I love you. And I want nothing more than to continue loving you as much as possible for as long as I can. You deserve the world and I want to spend the rest of my life giving it to you, if you'll let me."

Isak stands up from where he's sitting beside Even to get down onto one knee in front of him. Even is almost sobbing by this point, he never in his wildest dreams thought he'd be lucky enough to ever be proposed to. "So, Even Bech Næsheim, will you marry me?"

He's not quite sure if he can get the word out so he frantically nods his head before trying to speak, "Yes. Of course I will." His voice is breathless and barely there but Isak clearly hears him because he face breaks out into a grin that lights up his entire face. He's so beautiful. Even can't believe he gets to marry him.

 

Isak stands to slide the ring onto his finger before drawing him into a tender kiss. It tastes of the salt from both of their tears and Isak slightly misses his mouth due to his haste but it's Evens favourite kiss they've ever shared.

As they pull away, Even brings his left hand up to Isaks face, the cool band of the ring brushing his cheekbone. "I want to get you a ring too. One that's as beautiful as you are."

Isak grins again, "Okay," he replies before leaning in for another imperfect, perfect kiss.

Even can't ever remember being this happy. He knows his life will never be as straightforward as he might want, that there will be highs and lows, but with Isak by his side, he doesn't feel scared at all.

**Author's Note:**

> can u believe i wrote something else so quickly? It's called procrastinating my sixth form work :)
> 
> anyWAYS i hope you liked this!!!! please leave kudos if you enjoyed this piece of tooth rotting fluff and comment your favourite bits/any feedback/just how you're feeling! 
> 
> this will probably be the end of this little series unless i'm hit with inspiration to write something about a wedding or children (you never know)
> 
> hope you're all doing well!
> 
> \- olivia (pinkstripeisak on tumblr - come and say hi!) 
> 
> title from liability (reprise) by lorde


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